I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
