I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
