you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
