Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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