me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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