its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
