a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
