I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
a search helicopter?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
