Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
