We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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