this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I could fuck to npr.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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