I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
