the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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