Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
