I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
