apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
