I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
