just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
