Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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