I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
