I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
