i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
