He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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