so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
