remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
