Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
