Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
