My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
