The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found puke in my bra..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
