I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
