I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
