You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
