i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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