I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
