Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
