tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Boobs speak an international language.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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