my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
