..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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