I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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