FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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