marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
