If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
