I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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