he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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