My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
