I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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