"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
