I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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