dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
