i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
