Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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