Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
