I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
